


Thicker Than Water

by jetplane



Series: Quarantink [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Spencer Reid, Comfort/Angst, Disability, Disabled Character, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Flashbacks, Gen, HIV/AIDS, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Drug Use, Self-Harm, Sick Character, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-02-12 22:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 15,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21484165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane
Summary: What if an opiate addiction wasn't the only thing Tobias Hankel gave Reid? What if he'd also infected him with HIV?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid
Series: Quarantink [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687318
Comments: 31
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will contain mention of drug use and self-harm. Both will be very non-graphic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan discovers that Reid has been hiding something from the rest of the team

“Shit!” Emily cursed, yanking her hand away from the file. A sheet of paper had sliced the tip of her finger. 

Reid jumped up and grabbed Emily’s hand to examine the cut. He grabbed a tissue and held it to Emily’s finger. She winced slightly. “Sorry,” he apologized. 

He glanced to Morgan. “I have a mini first-aid kit in the side of my bag,” he said. “Can you grab a Band-Aid for Emily?” Derek nodded and grabbed Reid’s messenger bag off his desk. He rummaged through the contents. 

“I’m fine, Reid,” Emily protested. “It’s just a paper cut.”

A drop of blood soaked through the tissue. “I’m a doctor, Emily,” he countered. “Just let me do my thing.”

“You’re not a medical doctor,” Emily argued, but she reluctantly allowed him to tend to her wound. 

“Morgan, did you find the Band-Aids?” Reid asked. 

“Right here,” Derek replied as he spotted the small box. He opened it and retrieved a small Band-Aid, then handed it over to Reid. Derek zipped the first-aid kit back up and returned it to Reid’s bag. He was just about to close it up when a small plastic bag caught his eye. 

Derek’s heart sank as he fished it out. Inside were about a half-dozen different pills of various shapes and sizes. For an instant, Morgan allowed himself to hope that they were just over-the-counter medications. But it was immediately clear from the numbers etched on them that the pills were prescription. If there was any doubt from their appearances, the way Reid had hidden them so carefully confirmed his suspicions. 

Morgan noticed that Reid was almost done wrapping up Emily’s finger. He quickly closed Reid’s shoulder bag and returned it to the desk, slipping the bag of pills into his own jacket pocket with a heavy heart. Derek knew that he should take the evidence immediately to Hotch, and let him deal with it, but he couldn’t bear to do that. He vowed instead to confront Reid as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer notices that his pills are missing

Reid dug through his bag. Where were his pills? He always kept a stash with him, in case they suddenly got called on a case. But they were nowhere to be found. He dumped the entire contents of his bag onto his desk, sifting through loose change, extra pens, scraps of paper, and other miscellaneous items. No pills. 

He looked up at the clock. It had been fourteen hours since his last dose. Reid’s breaths quickened as he thought about what that meant. With the constant time zone changes that were a part of his job, he knew he couldn’t afford to keep throwing off his schedule. Not without putting himself in danger, at least. 

The agent frantically threw open the drawers of his desk, not even caring as his things rolled out of their neatly assigned places and spilled onto the floor. All he could feel was relief as his fingers closed around the small orange bottles concealed behind a stack of papers. He quickly shoved the pills into his mouth, then washed them down with a swig of coffee. Reid grimaced slightly. The bitter pills and the lukewarm coffee were not a pleasant combination. 

“Reid?” Morgan asked. Reid turned to look at his coworker as he shoved the orange pill bottles back into place. He hurriedly began to sort through the clutter on his desk, praying that Morgan hadn’t seen what he’d just done. 

“Yeah?” Spencer asked, feigning a casual look. 

Derek looked at the mess on Reid’s desk. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” the younger agent lied. “Just looking for a pen.” He held up a blue ballpoint pen. 

Morgan glanced at the cup filled with pens on the edge of Reid’s desk. “A specific pen,” Reid clarified quickly. “I needed this specific pen.” He clamped his lips together to prevent himself from rambling any more. Both profilers knew that a common sign of lies was oversharing, and Spencer could already tell that his friend was suspicious. 

Morgan nodded. “Well, can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Now’s not a great time,” Reid said. He tried to look busy as he shoved things back into their proper places. “I have a lot of paperwork. Can it wait?”

Derek took in Reid’s guilty expression, his empty bag that had clearly been overturned to look for something, and his refusal to talk. He didn’t need Reid to confirm his suspicions. Spencer had a problem. 

“Yeah, sure,” Morgan replied. “We can talk later.”

If Reid had noticed the concerned expression on Morgan’s face, it didn’t show. “Great,” he said eagerly. He turned back to his work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan brings his concerns to Hotch

There was a knock at his door. Hotch looked up from his desk. “Come in,” he called. 

Derek turned the knob and pushed open the office door. “Hotch?” he asked. “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. 

Morgan closed the door behind him, then took a seat across from Hotch’s desk. He clasped his hands together and sighed, looking down at his feet. 

“What is it, Morgan?” Aaron asked. “Is this about a case?”

He shook his head. “It’s about Reid.”

Hotch set down his pen, giving Morgan his full attention. “What about Agent Reid?”

“Have you noticed anything...different about him lately?” Morgan ventured. “Anything going on with him that’s changed?”

Aaron’s brow furrowed. He had noticed, but had been giving Reid the respect to sort things out on his own. He didn’t have any concrete proof, and besides, whatever Reid was dealing with hadn’t seemed to affect his profiling. “Agent Morgan, I don’t make a habit of speculating about my team’s personal lives. Is this relevant to the BAU’s work?”

“Sir, I’m worried that Reid’s relapsed,” he blurted out. “He’s been distant and secretive, always sneaking off to the bathroom with his bag and hiding things in his pockets. He’s lost weight, too.”

“This is all just speculation,” Hotch replied, trying to keep his voice even as he channeled his inner prosecutor. Still, his heart sank. If Morgan had been seeing what he had, Aaron felt almost certain that his fears had come true. 

Derek shook his head. “I went into Reid’s bag earlier today,” he continued. “He told me to get something for him and I found these.” He pulled out the package of pills and handed them over. 

Hotch studied the plastic bag for a moment, then dropped it onto his desk. HIs shoulders slumped. “Does Reid know you found them?”

“I don’t think so,” Morgan replied. “But I think he might suspect. I saw him looking for them in his bag a few minutes ago.”

The supervisor sighed. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ll speak to Dr. Reid as soon as possible.”

Morgan nodded. “Thanks, Hotch.”

“Until then, please don’t mention this to the rest of the team,” Aaron requested. “If Spencer wants to talk about it, that’s his business, but I don’t think it’s fair to make his personal life public without his consent.”

“Of course.” Morgan stood up from his chair to leave, then hesitated. His hand hovered over the doorknob. “Hotch, what are you going to do? Is the Bureau going to make him leave the unit?”

Hotch shook his head firmly. “I’ll make sure they don’t,” he promised. “But Reid might need to take some time off until things are back under control. You understand, of course.”

“Of course,” Morgan echoed. “Thank you, Hotch.”

As Morgan left his office, Aaron hung his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe that after all this time, Reid had relapsed. Had it been a case? His mother? Something else? What had pushed him over the edge?

It didn’t matter, Hotch realized suddenly. Whatever it was, it didn’t change the fact that he had to get his agent help before he hurt himself or anyone else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch confronts Reid about his behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mentions of drugs and self-harm

Hotch pushed open the door and looked out at the bullpen. All his agents were working at their desks. All except for Reid, that was. His seat was empty, and his bag was missing, but the stack of files on his desk told Hotch that he definitely hadn’t finished his work yet. 

He approached Emily. “Prentiss, have you seen Reid?”

She looked up at her boss. “He was just here a minute ago,” she replied. “Do you need something?”

Hotch could feel Morgan’s eyes on him. “I just need him for some administrative purposes,” he told her. At least it wasn’t a complete lie. 

“Oh. Well, I think he went to the bathroom,” Emily offered helpfully. 

Aaron nodded. “Thanks, Emily.” He headed off in the direction of the bathroom to find his agent. 

Reid was just coming out of a stall when Hotch opened the door to the bathroom. The moment Reid noticed him, he quickly pulled down his sleeve to hide his arm. 

Hotch locked the bathroom door behind him. Reid shot his boss a confused look. “Hotch?” he asked. 

“Roll up your sleeves,” he ordered. Since Morgan had given him the pills, Hotch had hoped that maybe Reid wasn’t as bad off as they had worried. But if Spencer was trying to conceal his arms, it meant that he was back on the harder drugs. 

“What?” The young man had a panicked look on his eyes. “Hotch, what’s going on?”

“Show me your arms. Right now.” When Reid hesitated, Hotch stalked up to him. He grabbed the agent’s sleeves and yanked them up, revealing his thin forearms. 

Reid pulled away before Hotch could examine him closely. “What are you doing?” he asked in bewilderment. 

“You tell me,” Aaron replied. “Are you using again, Spencer?”

“What? No, I-”

“Don’t lie to me.” Hotch made another move to push up Reid’s sleeves, but this time Reid ducked away from him. “You’ve sneaking off to the bathroom and hiding things in your pockets. If I pull up your sleeves, will I find track marks?”

“No,” Reid protested. “Hotch, I’m not hiding anything, I swear.”

“Then show me your arms, Spencer, or you’re fired.”

Reid gulped and hung his head as he rolled up his sleeves. Strips of gauze covered portions of both arms. Hotchner grabbed one of his wrists to pull off the bandages. 

“No!” Reid cried out desperately. The sudden noise threw Hotch off, and the young profiler slipped his hand from his superior’s grasp. “I’ll take them off, I promise, but please don’t touch me.”

Hotch nodded begrudgingly. Spencer gently peeled off the gauze to reveal fresh scratches on both arms. Some were still oozing blood, while others appeared to be in various stages of healing. 

“Reid, what happened?” Aaron asked with concern. The wounds didn’t seem to be deep. And they appeared to be self-inflicted. “Did you do this to yourself?”

Reid nodded. 

“Why?”

He averted his gaze. “Hotch, you know I’m autistic.” 

Hotch nodded. It was in his agent’s file, but even if it hadn’t been, that much was clear from everything he’d known about the genius over the past years. But this wasn’t autistic behavior as Hotch had ever seen in Reid before. “I don’t understand what that has to do with anything.”

“Sometimes...I hurt myself. When I can’t deal well with things. I scratch or I hit myself to calm down. It can - it can be hard for me to stop.”

“But why?” Hotch asked. “Spencer, you can tell me if you’ve relapsed. I promise I won’t be mad, but I need to know the truth.”

“Hotch, I’m not using again,” Reid insisted. “You can drug test me if you want, but I’m not lying. Isn’t that good enough for you?”

Hotchner shook his head. “If you’re not using, then what have you been hiding? What’s going on, Spencer?”

Spencer pulled the bandages back over his cuts and rolled his sleeves back up. He leaned against the bathroom wall and slid down to sit on the floor. He hung his head. 

“I did hide something from you,” Reid admitted. “I’ve been taking drugs. But not the kind you think.”

Reid dropped his bag on the floor and pulled out a pill bottle. He handed it over to Hotch, who read the label. Reid’s name was on them, along with a doctor he didn’t recognize. Hotch didn’t recognize the name of the drug, either. It clearly wasn’t Dilaudid, Hankel’s drug of choice, but it easily could have been another similar medication. “Are you going to tell me why you have these?”

“They’re not narcotics,” the agent said quietly, tears welling in his eyes. “I wish they were, but they’re not.” He couldn’t meet Hotch’s gaze. “They’re antiretrovirals.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid tells Hotch how he got sick

Reid rocked back and forth as he sat on Hotch’s couch. He pulled his jacket tight around his body, not because he was cold but because he hoped the pressure would calm him down. It didn’t. 

“Do you remember the case with Tobias Hankel?” Spencer asked. It was a stupid question, he realized as soon as it was out of his mouth. But Hotch only nodded, patiently waiting for Reid’s explanation. 

“He was an addict. His drug was Dilaudid, and he injected me over and over again until I was addicted, too.” Hotch had to strain to hear Reid’s quiet voice as he recounted the story. 

“There are approximately thirteen million people worldwide who inject drugs intravenously,” Reid said. His voice strengthened a little as he recited in a robotic monotone. “Most people don’t have access to clean needles, so they reuse and share them with others. Some places have syringe service programs where drug addicts can exchange their used needles for clean ones. It prevents transmission of blood-borne diseases. But a lot of people don’t use them. Or they can’t. There’s too much stigma around drug addiction. It gets people hurt.”

Hotch had a sinking feeling he knew where Reid was going with this. 

“Almost two million intravenous drug users are infected with HIV. Tobias Hankel was one of them. He was from a rural area, and he didn’t have access to a syringe service program. At some point, he must’ve used the same needle as someone who was infected.”

Reid rocked faster as he continued. “There are drugs that can stop people from contracting HIV if they’ve been exposed. It’s called post-exposure prophylaxis. But you have to take it within seventy-two hours of exposure, and a lot of people don’t know until it’s too late. Tobias didn’t.”

A tear fell into Reid’s lap. More tears streamed down his face, and he wiped them with the back of his hand. “I should have known. I should have known that he was infected. He didn’t have me for seventy-two hours. It wouldn’t have been too late for me. But I wasn’t thinking, Hotch. I didn’t think.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hotch said softly. “The doctors at the hospital should have known. They should’ve tested you or something.”

“I should have known,” Spencer repeated sadly. “But I didn’t. Not until after. When I told you I had the flu.”

Hotch vaguely recalled that Reid had missed a few cases shortly after he’d been kidnapped by Hankel. He’d never been sure whether his agent had actually been sick or just needed some time to recover from the trauma. Now he wished he’d tried harder to find out the truth. 

“I knew it wasn’t the flu, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Not until the results of my blood tests came back.” Reid wiped more tears from his cheek. “The best they can do for me now is to keep the infection from getting worse. Try to make sure I don’t get AIDS.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Hotch asked gently. “The whole team would have been there for you. We could have supported you and helped you through all of this.”

Reid sniffled. “I know it doesn’t make any sense. Denying it wasn’t going to change anything. But I just wanted to pretend that none of this had ever happened. Especially after Gideon left. I just wanted to feel like a part of the team again, and I didn’t want anyone to treat me differently.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through this alone.” Hotch fidgeted with his hands as he tried to find the right words to say. “I’m sorry you had to go through this at all. And I want you to know that I’m here for you both as your supervisor and as your friend. If you need anything, please let me know.”

“Thank you, Hotch.” Reid wiped his cheeks yet again. His rocking slowed as he tugged on his jacket. “I really appreciate you being here for me.”

“Of course,” Aaron replied. “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

Reid nodded. “I will,” he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post-exposure prophylaxis is a real thing. If you suspect you've been exposed to HIV, ask a healthcare provider to start you on PEP as soon as possible. And if you're HIV-negative but know that you're at risk for contracting HIV, please talk to your doctor about pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP). Both of these are very effective medications for preventing an HIV infection.  
More about PrEP and PEP: https://www.sfaf.org/collections/beta/fact-sheet-prep-and-pep/
> 
> Needle and syringe exchange programs also exist, and they have been proven to reduce transmission of HIV and other blood-borne diseases. Many also provide referrals for substance use programs, STD testing and treatment, hepatitis vaccinations, and other medical services. If you go to a needle exchange program, your personal and medical information will be kept confidential and you cannot be arrested by law enforcement for using these services.  
How to find a needle exchange program near you: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-find-a-needle-exchange-program-22066
> 
> Please be safe, y'all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch has to make a difficult decision in order to protect Reid's privacy

Spencer left Hotch’s office feeling better than he had in a long time. He hadn’t realized how heavily his secret had been weighing on him. He practically floated back to his desk, not even noticing that Morgan had discreetly slipped out of his own seat to visit Hotch in his office.

“Hotch.” Morgan didn’t even bother to knock. Aaron looked up in surprise. He dropped the file he’d been reading. Clearly, there was no chance of him getting any work done tonight. “Why is Reid still at work?”

Hotch tried to figure out a good way to allay Morgan’s concerns without betraying Reid’s confidence. He came up with nothing. “Reid’s fine to work,” he said truthfully. “I spoke with him about everything.”

Morgan shut the door behind him. “Reid’s fine?” he repeated disbelievingly. “We just talked about this, Hotch. He’s clearly not fine. He’s an addict, and you know that”

“I need you to trust me,” Hotch replied, keeping his voice even. “I wouldn’t be letting him work if I had any concerns about his past medical history.”

His subordinate shook his head. “It’s not his past medical history if it’s affecting him right now,” Derek protested. “I can’t seriously believe you’re enabling him.”

Aaron massaged his temple. “I’m not enabling him, Morgan.” He desperately wanted to tell Morgan what was really going on, but he knew he couldn’t. Reid’s HIV status wasn’t his secret to share.

“If you won’t talk to him about his problem, I will,” Derek asserted.

“No, you won’t,” Hotch warned, his tone dangerously firm. “That’s an order, Agent Morgan. Leave Dr. Reid and his personal life alone. If you can’t do that, I will have you removed from the unit.”

Morgan’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you.” He gave his boss a look of disgust. “When he gets hurt, that’s on you.” He stormed out of the office, slamming Hotch’s door behind him.

Hotch sighed. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, and he knew it. He couldn’t tell the others that Reid was HIV-positive. And he couldn’t ask Reid to disclose that information to the team. He clearly wasn’t ready. But he also couldn’t keep pretending that nothing was the matter with his agent. If Morgan had noticed his odd behaviors, it would only be a matter of time before the others did as well. And if they didn’t come to the same conclusion that Morgan had, they’d eventually figure out the truth. Reid was just lucky that Morgan hadn’t tried to Google the pills he’d found before bringing them to Hotch.

He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes. In his time in the FBI, Hotch had had to make a lot of difficult decisions. But this scenario definitely made it to the top of the list. Aaron had no idea what he was going to do.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to when Reid was first diagnosed

_(about a year prior)_

  
The sound of a phone ringing pierced through the dark room. Spencer winced, fighting the urge to throw the phone across the room. He’d been expecting the call, and had turned the volume all the way up on his cell phone to ensure that he wouldn’t miss it. Not that there had been any chance of that happening. Reid hadn’t slept at all that night.

He sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the edge to rest his feet on the floor, and grabbed the phone off his nightstand. His shaking fingers took three tries before they were able to press the button to answer the call. “Hello,” he said, his voice slightly higher than usual. “This is Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“Hello, Dr. Reid. This is Dr. Parker,” the woman’s voice on the other end said.

“Yes, hello,” Reid said politely. “I assume this call is regarding my recent blood test?”

“It is indeed,” Dr. Parker confirmed. “I would like to schedule an appointment to discuss the results of your labs in person.”

If Spencer had held out any tiny amount of hope that he hadn’t been infected, it was gone now. Reid’s instincts told him to hang up the phone and get back under his covers. Or to grab his badge and gun, drop it in the nearest mailbox, and run. But he didn’t. “There’s no need,” he replied, surprising himself with how calm he sounded. “I understand what this means.”

“Dr. Reid, I would really prefer to speak with you in person to discuss where to go from here,” the woman insisted. “I’d like to discuss your treatment going forward, as well as precautions and lifestyle changes you will need to be aware of going forward.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Reid said firmly. “I understand the implications of my test results. You can write me a prescription for ARV. I’ll pick it up, I promise.” He hung up before his doctor could respond.

Before he could stop himself, Spencer made another call. The line only rang once before it was picked up. “Hello?” Hotch said.

“Hotch, this is Reid,” he said automatically.

“Reid, is everything alright? What’s going on?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” the troubled agent lied. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to need to take a bit of time off from work. I - it seems that I’ve caught the influenza virus.”

“That’s fine,” Hotch replied. “Are you sure everything is alright?” Reid almost never took time off, even when he should. None of the BAU really did.

“I’m totally fine,” Reid insisted. “It’s just the flu. I don’t want to get anyone else sick.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Take all the time you need. And let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

“I will,” Spencer lied again. “Thank you, Hotch.”

“Of course,” Hotchner replied. “And Reid?”

Reid’s heart rate quickened. “Yes?” he asked.

“I’m glad you’re taking some time for yourself.”

A lump formed in Spencer’s throat. “Thank you,” he forced out. He hung up as tears of shame and guilt rolled down his cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid goes to the pharmacy

“Next in line?”

Reid hurried up to the pharmacy counter. “Hello, sir,” the worker said politely. “How are you doing today?”

Spencer nodded awkwardly, not making direct eye contact with the woman at the counter. Ordinarily, he would have tried to force a smile, but the small gesture felt like such an impossible task on this day. He silently placed his driver’s license on the counter. The worker picked it up and looked at it. She typed something into her computer. 

“All right, Mr. Reid? I have two new prescriptions on file for you. Emtricitabine-tenofovir and atazanavir. Is that what you were expecting?”

Reid nodded again, still unable to look at the pharmacy worker. He realized that the woman probably saw hundreds of people every day, and that she probably didn’t care what prescriptions any of them were on. But the tiny, illogical voice in his head was sure that she was judging him, thinking that he was dirty and weak and not worthy of her time. 

“Great. I’ll get them for you right now..” The woman turned away from him to retrieve the medications. Spencer stared at the counter, wishing he could disappear. He prayed that he would be able to wake up tomorrow to find that all of this had just been a nightmare. 

“Here you go, Mr. Reid,” the worker said to him as she deposited two paper bags onto the counter. Stapled to each was a packet of information - instructions, side effects, everything Reid already knew about the pills inside. “Would you like to speak to a pharmacist about either of these medications?” He quickly shook his head.

“Very well,” she replied. “How would you like to pay for your prescriptions today?”

Reid handed the woman a handful of crumpled bills. He didn’t want this on his credit card. She took the money and counted it, then handed him back his change. He pocketed it, then took the paper bags from the counter. They crumpled as he hastily shoved them into his jacket. The pills rattled inside. 

“Thank you for coming in, Mr. Reid. Have a great day.”

She was taunting him. He was sure of it. But Reid said nothing. He nodded to the woman, then turned and walked out of the pharmacy. 

He took a cab back to his apartment and paid the driver with the change he’d received at the pharmacy. He didn’t bother to count it out; it seemed silly to care about giving up a few extra dollars when his life was in complete shambles. 

Once safely inside his apartment, Spencer locked and deadbolted the door. He pulled all of his window curtains closed, ensuring that no one could see or get in. Usually Reid didn’t like to be kept in the dark, but today it felt right. In the low light, he felt almost like he could disappear. He shed his clothes, leaving them lying on the floor, and crawled into bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid, struggling to come to terms with who he is, nearly makes some drastic decisions. 
> 
> content warning for drug use and suicide attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all my readers who've stuck around to see this story through! I know it's been a long time since I've updated (I can't believe my last chapter was posted in November!), but I have the next few chapters written and I know how I want this story to end. Hope you enjoy!

When Reid awoke again, it was the middle of the afternoon. He didn’t feel any more rested, but he knew it was time to stop hiding from his situation. Nothing was going to change. So Spencer dressed himself in the same clothes he had worn before and sat down at his desk to write.

_Dear SES Strauss,_

_Please accept this letter as a formal notice of my resignation from the Behavioral Analysis Unit, effective immediately. Although I am appreciative of the many opportunities the Bureau has afforded me during my time as an agent, it has come to my attention that I am no longer suited to performing the tasks for which I was hired. Please be assured that my resignation is not the result of any qualms about the BAU’s performance, nor is it a reflection of my feelings toward the Bureau as a whole. It has been a pleasure to serve my country, and I wish you all the best moving forward._

_Sincerely,_  
_Spencer Reid_

He looked over the letter, then took an envelope from his desk drawer. He carefully folded the sheet of paper, sealed it, and addressed it to his section chief. He did the math. If he sent it through the US Postal Service now, the letter would reach Strauss’s desk by morning. That gave him more than enough time to pack a bag and buy a plane ticket.

He couldn’t go back to Las Vegas. Not yet, anyways. The team would follow him, ask questions that he couldn’t answer. Reid thought of all the places he’d wanted to go in his life, places he’d never been able to visit because he’d been too broke, and then too busy. But now he had some money saved up. He could go anywhere.

Anywhere the FBI didn’t have jurisdiction, that is. Someplace his team would have no hope of gaining authority, where it would be hard for them to track him down. Maybe Russia. Or China. He could learn the language and the customs, create a new life for himself. With all Reid’s degrees, surely he could get a job in research or teaching.

But then again, what was he thinking? An HIV-positive opioid addict moving to Russia? What a joke.

Spencer sighed, closing his eyes and laying his head down on his desk. The two vials of Dilaudid, his other souvenir from Tobias Hankel, were calling to him. He’d been carrying the drugs around for weeks. Every time he’d wanted to shoot up, the fear of hurting his team had stopped him. But now, he no longer had that concern.

So he filled a syringe. First with just enough to take the edge off. Then, after a moment of consideration, he drew up a little more. Enough to make him forget. Finally, with resignation, he filled the entire syringe with the clear liquid. Sufficient, he estimated, to stop his breathing.

As Reid wrapped a tourniquet around his upper arm, he thought about Tobias Hankel. He imagined the first time the unsub had shot him up with the drugs. It had been such a strange sensation, so wrong and so right all at the same time. He’d never experienced anything like that before. No wonder Tobias had become addicted. No wonder he’d become addicted. In another world, maybe Spencer would have spent his life studying the chemicals instead of being injected with them. Maybe he would have learned their secrets, how they made his neurons fire in just the right way that all he could do was think about getting high.

But in this universe, Reid had been injected with Dilaudid by an HIV-positive unsub. He’d known all the signs, all the risk factors, and yet he still hadn’t been able to do one simple thing right.

It would be better if he just disappeared, he reasoned. His team wouldn’t have to worry about accidental exposure or deal with the side effects of Spencer’s medications. They wouldn’t be chasing down dangerous criminals alongside an addict who couldn’t keep his life together. If his intellect, the one thing the FBI needed him for, couldn’t be trusted, he had no business burdening them with him any longer. In this universe, it was time for Spencer Reid to die.

He imagined how it would all go down. The drugs would slow his breathing until it stopped entirely. After then, it would be only a matter of minutes before his brain shut down. Some stranger would find his body, maybe his landlord or local police. They’d call Hotch, and he’d probably be disappointed in Reid. Someone would probably call Gideon, too. Maybe he’d attend the funeral. Maybe he’d realize how it felt to not be able to say goodbye.

Hotch would most likely be tasked with calling Bennington. Reid felt a twinge of guilt when he thought about how his mom would react when she found out. The thought of never seeing his mother again filled him with sadness, but he forced himself to push it out of his mind. In all likelihood, she’d forget about him as quickly as she had when he went away to college or started working at the FBI. Her care would still get paid for; the account Spencer had set up for her could take care of that.

The needle was three inches away from Reid’s vein when his phone buzzed. The syringe plunged into his arm, causing a small stab of pain. Spencer cursed aloud as he pulled it out and inspected the small puncture. He’d missed the vein.

There was another vibration. His focus now broken, Spencer ripped the tourniquet off his arm and dropped the syringe on his desk. He’d injected some of the drug into his system, but not all of it. Reid was going to have to start again, and he estimated he would have about fifteen minutes to do so before the first dose kicked in. Irritated, Spencer trekked across the room and snatched the phone off his nightstand. He’d fully intended to turn it off, but his eyes automatically caught a glimpse of the screen.

_Jennifer Jareau: Hotch told us you were sick. I hope you feel better soon._  
_Jennifer Jareau: Garcia made soup for you. We’re on our way to drop it off_

“No,” Spencer muttered aloud, dropping the phone as his head started to spin. “No, no, no!”

This was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. JJ had been the one to find her sister’s body after she’d committed suicide. Penelope still got upset every time she looked at a crime scene. It would destroy them to find him like this. He had to stop it.

Reid scrambled across the room and threw open the bottom drawer of his dresser. He dug frantically, tossing its contents onto the floor until he located the small package of naloxone. Spencer tore the box open with shaking hands and deployed the spray into his nostril. Then he collapsed onto his floor, praying he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last chapter that sounds like a bad addiction PSA. That being said, naloxone is a valuable tool in preventing overdose deaths. If someone you know is at risk of an opioid overdose, you should know about it. It's not something you can usually give to yourself (I bent the rules for this story), but it is easy for bystanders to administer, carries almost no risk to patients, and saves lives.   
Naloxone: https://www.shatterproof.org/naloxone


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan follows Reid to try to prove that he's using again

_(present day)_

  
“Hey! Hey, Reid!”

Spencer spun around to see Morgan chasing after him as he exited the FBI building. “Hey, Morgan,” he said warily. “What’s up?”

Derek shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Just wanted to know if you had any plans for tonight. Some of us were planning on going out for drinks.”

Reid shook his head. “Thanks for offering, but I already - I already have plans.”

Morgan raised his eyebrow. “Really? Is that why you’re leaving early?” He really wasn’t leaving any earlier than the rest of the team, but Spence was notorious for staying late to work. “Can I ask what plans the brilliant Dr. Spencer Reid has for tonight?”

He shrugged awkwardly. “I’m meeting up with a friend,” he half-lied, not wanting to reveal that he was actually going to an HIV-positive support group.

“A friend?” Morgan echoed. “Do I happen to know this friend? Or…” He lowered his voice slightly. “Is it a lady friend?”

“You don’t know them, and it’s not a romantic thing,” Spencer said evasively. “Just a friend.” He rubbed his arm, trying not to scratch the healing scabs under their bandages. Morgan’s expression grew concerned as he noticed this.

“Just a friend, huh?” Derek asked, growing a little more concerned. “Where’d you meet them?”

Reid glanced at his watch distractedly. He was going to be late for his meeting if Morgan kept talking. “Derek, I really have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned and headed for the door, then stopped. “Have fun getting drinks,” he called over his shoulder.

“I will,” Morgan promised, although his tone was empty. “See you tomorrow!”

He watched Spencer walk away, still scratching his arm. Then, he pulled out his cell phone and sent a text to Penelope. _Something came up. Not going to be able to make it tonight_. He pocketed the device, then followed Reid discreetly into the night.

Morgan tailed Spencer through the streets of D.C. until he parked his car outside a nondescript-looking apartment building. He watched as the young agent got out of his car and entered, then disappeared inside. Derek watched from the driver’s seat of his own car, discreetly snapping photos on his cell phone of each person who entered or exited the building. He’d have to ask Garcia to identify them later. One of them had to be Reid’s dealer, the person he didn’t want to admit he was meeting with. Morgan vowed that when they found the guy, he’d be put away for a very long time.

A movement in a third-story window caught Derek’s eye. He spotted the unmistakable silhouette of Reid. Morgan strained to see if he could tell who the agent was with, but before he could, Reid drew the curtains closed and Derek could see no more. As the minutes ticked by, Derek began to grow concerned. He was no expert on drug deals, but he didn’t see why it should be taking so long. What if something had happened, and Reid was hurt?

The thought made Derek’s heart race. He climbed out of his car. Keeping one hand on his holster, he quickly hurried towards the building. He flashed his credentials at the doorman, who let him pass without a word. The agent hurried down the hallway into a stairwell, then drew his gun as he hurried up the stairs.

Once on the third floor, Morgan counted the doors in the hallway until he reached the apartment he’d seen Reid in. Keeping his firearm aimed at the floor, the agent crept closer to the door and listened. He could hear a woman’s voice, then what sounded like an older man’s voice, and finally Reid. Morgan strained to make out his words, holding his breath as he listened for any sign that Reid might be in danger.

Suddenly, he heard a loud crash from inside the room. Morgan didn’t hesitate. With one swift motion, he kicked open the door. “FBI,” he called out as he heard screams from inside. “FBI, nobody move!” He raised his gun, then blinked when he saw what was at the end of the barrel.

Spencer stood in the middle of the kitchen, his own firearm pointed directly at Morgan.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter, from Reid's perspective

Reid knocked on the door. He was greeted by a young redheaded woman, Miriam. “Spencer!” she said. “It’s good to see you again. Welcome in.”

“It’s good to see you too, Miriam. Am I late?”

She took his coat and hung it on a tall rack with the others. “Not at all. We’re still waiting for a few of the others.”

“Is there anything I can help with?” Spencer asked. 

“Just help me with the chairs,” Miriam replied. 

Reid crossed the living room and picked up a couple chairs. As he glanced out the window, he couldn’t help but get the feeling that someone was watching him. He figured he was just being paranoid, but after a moment's hesitation, he drew the curtains shut. He returned to the kitchen and placed the chairs around the table. Both Miriam and he sat as the rest of the group filed in. 

“Hi, Spencer,” said David, a substitute teacher who was the most recent addition to their small support group. “We haven’t seen you around in a while.”

Spencer nodded. “I know. I’ve missed you guys.”

“So, what brings you back?” Miriam asked. 

“My boss found out,” Reid admitted. “He thought I was using again and he confronted me about it, so I kind of had to tell him the truth.”

“Oh,” breathed Samuel, a lawyer who’d been living with HIV longer than anyone else in the group. “Hotch, right? How did that go?”

“Surprisingly well,” Reid said. “I didn’t want to tell him, and it was really hard, but I’m kind of glad that he knows now. And he was really supportive.”

Miriam nodded. “It can be liberating to have other people know. I’m glad he took it well.” Miriam had had her own bad experiences with her coworkers learning that she was HIV-positive. 

“Are you going to tell the rest of your team?” David asked. “I mean, I know you said you didn’t want them to think of you differently, but have you changed your mind at all?”

Reid shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Some days it’s still hard for me to forgive myself for not getting tested in time.” 

Samuel stood up from the table, holding his empty water glass. “Anyone else need a refill?”

“I do,” David said. He reached for his own glass, but as he picked it up, it slipped from his fingers. The cup tumbled to the ground and shattered. “Shoot. I’m sorry, Miriam.”

“It’s no problem,” the young waitress said. “Let me get a broom.”

Reid was just about to bend down to help them clean up the fragments when they were all startled by a loud crack. 

Instinctively, Reid drew his gun and trained it on the figure entering the room. “FBI! FBI, nobody move!”

Spencer blinked as he recognized the familiar voice. “Morgan?”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan reveals that he's been stalking Reid.

“Morgan?” Reid asked again in disbelief as the man’s face became clear. Both men slowly lowered their weapons as the civilians cowered. 

“Reid?” Derek holstered his gun and rushed over to check out his coworker. He examined him carefully for any signs of injury. “Are you okay?”

Spencer pushed him away. “I’m fine,” he replied, confused, as he returned his firearm to his own holster. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard a loud noise,” Morgan said. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt.”

Reid shook his head. “David knocked over a glass. We’re all fine.” Then a look came over his face. “Why were you here in the first place?”

Morgan struggled to find an explanation for his behavior. Reid beat him to it. “Wait, were you following me?” Derek looked away guiltily. “Why?”

“I was worried about you,” Morgan said. “I thought...I thought you might’ve been using again. That you were here to meet with your dealer.”

“Well, I’m not.” Reid snapped. 

“I can see that now,” Morgan said quietly. He glanced around at Reid’s friends, who looked at Derek as though he might try to kick something else over. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me.” Spencer crossed his arms. “Apologize to Miriam, whose door you just annihilated.”

“I’m sorry,” Derek said to the young woman. “I’ll cover the cost of the damages, I promise.”

He turned back to Reid. “Spencer, I swear I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy. I was just worried about you, and I wanted to help. Because you’re my friend.”

“Well, you have a funny way of showing it,” Reid fumed. “Derek, I don’t have a lot of experience with friends, but I’m pretty sure most of the time friends just ask each other if something is wrong instead of breaking down their doors and accusing them of doing drugs.”

“I’m sorry,” Derek said again. “Really, Reid, if there’s anything I can do-“

“You should leave,” Reid said. 

So he did.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch talks to Morgan about his recent behavior

Morgan sat quietly on Hotch’s couch as his supervisor closed his window blinds and then shut the door to his office. He knew he was in trouble. He just didn’t know how much. 

“Did I not make myself clear yesterday?” Hotch asked. 

“You did, sir,” Morgan replied. 

“Then, please, explain to me why I received a call from one of my agents last night explaining why there was a police report being filed about another one of my agents destroying private property.”

“It was a misunderstanding, sir. I’ve already spoken to the involved parties and will be covering the damages in full. They’ve agreed not to press charges.”

Hotch crossed his arms and looked to his agent with a stern expression. “I don’t understand how you could have possibly misunderstood my instructions to leave Dr. Reid alone.”

“I was worried about him,” Morgan said quietly. “I thought he might’ve been in danger. I was only trying to help.”

The supervisor sighed. “While I appreciate that, I need you to trust me and to follow my orders as I give them to you. Understand?”

“I understand, sir. I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused, and I’ll apologize to Reid as soon as he comes in.”

Aaron shook his head. “Dr. Reid has requested some personal time off, which I’ve granted. He specifically requested that I tell you not to contact him.”

‘What?” Morgan asked. “Is this because of last night?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss the personal lives of my agents,” Hotch replied evenly. 

“When is he coming back?” Derek asked. 

“Again, I can’t say.”

Morgan stood up from the couch and shook his head. “Hotch, I don’t know what’s going on but there’s clearly something happening to Reid. If it’s not drugs, what is it? Is he sick? Is it his mom?”

Hotch looked directly at Morgan. “Agent Morgan, I need you to trust that everything is being taken care of appropriately. I know that Dr. Reid is your friend and that you’re concerned about him, but I need you to understand that he is dealing with a personal matter. If he would like for you to know about it, he will tell you. Until then, I need for you to respect his privacy and trust that I will not do anything to put his health at risk.”

“So, he is sick?” Morgan asked.

“I didn’t say that he was sick,” Hotch replied, although Morgan’s profiling skills told him that he was on the right track. 

“You implied it,” Morgan said. “Is it serious?”

Aaron sighed. “Agent Morgan, can you respect Dr. Reid’s privacy or not?”

Derek could tell he wasn’t going to get any more out of his boss. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. But I can’t.”

“Agent Morgan!” Hotch called out as Morgan hurried out of his office. The BAU members, along with the other agents in the bullpen, looked on curiously at the scene. “Agent Morgan!”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan tries to confront Reid (again).

Morgan knocked on the apartment door. “Reid?” he called. “Reid, are you there?”

No response. “Reid, it’s Morgan. Can we talk?”

From inside the apartment, Morgan could hear a shuffling noise and then the sound of a deadbolt being locked. “Pretty boy, I know you’re in there,” Derek called. “Please let me in.”

“If I don’t, will you kick down my door, too? Because If you even try to break in, I _will_ shoot you.”

“I promise I won’t kick down anything,” Morgan said. “And I’m sorry about your friend’s apartment. You can yell at me about it if you want. I know I deserve it.”

Silence.

“Hotch told me that you asked for personal time off. I know there’s something going on that you’re not telling me about, and I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“Does no one around here understand the concept of personal time? Or personal space, even?”

“Come on, Reid,” Morgan implored. “I don’t know what’s going on, but there’s clearly something happening with you and I want to help. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“I specifically told Hotch that I didn’t want any visitors,” Spencer continued as if Derek hadn’t said anything.

“I know,” Derek conceded. “He didn’t want me to come. But I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Silence. Then the sound of a deadbolt unlocking. Reid cracked open his door.

Derek did a quick once-over of his friend. He looked fine, for the most part. Not high or in withdrawal, from what he could tell.

“I’m fine, see?” Reid said. “Now get back to the office before you lose your job.” He slammed the door shut.

Morgan flinched. “Pretty boy, can we just talk for a minute?” he called through the door.

“We already have,” Reid replied curtly.

Derek sighed. “All right. But I’m coming back after work.”

Spencer didn’t know how to respond to that. He listened for the sound of footsteps that told him Morgan was retreating. Then, he leaned against his door and dialed Hotch.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid calls Hotch and asks him to explain his situation to the rest of the team.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Hotch,” Reid said. 

“Hi, Reid. Is everything okay?” Hotch’s voice sounded concerned. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Reid assured him. He hesitated for a moment. “Morgan just left my apartment.”

Spencer could hear his boss muttering something under his breath. “I’m sorry,” Aaron said. “I specifically told him to leave you alone. I’ll talk to him when he gets back.”

“It’s okay,” Reid said quickly. 

“It’s really not,” Hotch replied. “I just spoke with him about giving you space and privacy.”

“I know he’s just trying to help.” Reid sighed. “Which is what I called you about, actually. I was wondering if you could do something for me.”

“Of course,” Hotch said immediately. “What do you need?”

“When Morgan gets back, can you tell him - can you explain to the team about my HIV status?”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. “Are you sure?” Hotch asked. 

“I’m sure,” Reid replied. “I’ve kept this secret long enough and I’m done being ashamed of the past. I want all of you to know the truth. And I don’t want anyone to have to worry about me.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Tell them what happened. With Hankel, and with the Dilaudid,” Reid replied. 

“You’re sure this is what you want? And that you want me to do it?” Aaron asked. 

“I’m sure,” he repeated. “I’m not ready to talk about it or to answer any questions, but I think it’ll put the team’s mind at ease to know that I’m not using again. And make sure they know that I’m undetectable. There’s no risk to anyone.”

“Undetectable?” Hotch echoed. 

“It means that my viral load can’t be detected with a blood test. As long as I keep taking my medication, I can’t transmit the virus to anyone else.”

“That’s good news,” Aaron said. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Thanks.” Spencer’s voice sounded hopeful over the phone. “I just found out earlier today. It seemed like a sign that it was the right time to tell everyone.”

“Well, if you’re sure this is what you want, I’ll call a meeting with the team as soon as Morgan gets back,” Hotchner promised. 

“Thank you, sir,” Reid said. “I really appreciate you doing this.”

“It’s no problem,” Hotch replied. “I’m happy to help.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch tells the team that Reid is HIV positive. Rossi learns about the Hankel case.

Derek arrived back at the BAU and tried to discreetly make it to his desk without being noticed. He failed almost immediately. 

“Hey, Morgan,” Emily said. “Hotch wants to see you in the round table room.”

This was it. He was getting fired for sure. “Just me?” he asked nervously. 

“No, he asked to see the whole team. But he specifically said to wait until you came back.”

Morgan raised an eyebrow. “He said that?”

Emily shrugged. “Yeah. Where were you, anyways? Hotch seemed pretty upset when you ran off.”

He ignored the question. “If Hotch wants to see us, we probably shouldn’t keep him waiting.” He hurried up the stairs to the conference room with Emily following behind. 

Hotch only nodded when the two arrived. Everyone else was already seated around the table. The two quietly slipped into their chairs, then looked around at the others. Both were wondering what this meeting was about, although for very different reasons. 

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you in for a meeting when we don’t have a case at the moment,” Hotch began. 

“Wait,” JJ interrupted. “Shouldn’t we wait for Spence?”

He shook his head. “Dr. Reid won’t be coming in today. That’s what I’ve called you here to discuss.”

The team exchanged puzzled glances. “What do you mean?” Emily asked. 

“Reid is taking a personal day,” Hotch explained. 

“Is he alright?” Rossi asked. “Reid never takes time off.”

“That’s what he’s requested I talk to all of you about. Spencer has been dealing with some health issues that he would like for all of you to be aware of.”

“Is he okay?” Emily asked. 

Hotch held up his hand. “I can assure you that Reid is fine.”

“Then what happened?” asked JJ. 

Aaron took a deep breath. “It’s related to the Hankel case.”

“The Hankel case?” Rossi echoed. 

“Tobias Hankel was an unsub on a case we worked in Georgia. He had dissociative identity disorder and believed he was killing sinners in the name of God. Videos of some of the murders ended up on the Internet.”

Rossi took in Hotch’s pained expression. “It was a bad case,” he surmised. “How many victims were there?”

Hotch nodded. “Hankel killed seven people as Raphael, one of his personalities. He kidnapped Reid and held him in a cemetery for two days before we were able to rescue him.”

“So why is this coming up now?” Dave asked. “Was Hankel released from prison or something?”

“No,” Hotch replied quickly, looking stricken. Rossi frowned in confusion. 

“Tobias is dead,” Morgan explained. “He took Reid out to dig his own grave and...the kid got his hands on a gun. He shot Hankel just before we found him.”

The older profiler reflected on this. “I never would have guessed,” he admitted. Who could have known the kid had been through so much?

“That wasn’t the worst of it,” Garcia said. Rossi’s eyebrows raised. There was more?

“Hankel beat Reid repeatedly, once to the point that he stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated. He also injected him with drugs. Dilaudid, mixed with some kind of hallucinogen. We never figured out which one,” Hotch reported grimly. 

“He thought he was helping the kid,” Morgan explained. “But all it did was get him addicted.”

Rossi shook his head in disbelief. Of all the people in the world...Reid, an addict?

“Wait,” Emily said, vaguely recalling the original purpose of this conversation. “What does this have to do with Reid now?”

“Did something happen?” Garcia asked. “Did he have a relapse?”

Hotch shook his head. “No, he did not relapse. But after the case was closed, some details regarding Tobias Hankel’s personal medical history came to light that none of us were aware of until recently. Namely, that Hankel had been HIV-positive, and that he transmitted the virus to Reid with a tainted syringe.”

The team took a minute to process this. “Wait,” Morgan said. “So you’re saying that Reid...has HIV?”

The supervisor nodded. “He’s been dealing with this for quite some time. And he requested that he let all of you know that his viral load is currently undetectable. There’s no risk of him transmitting the disease to anyone else.”

JJ shook her head. ‘Hotch, the Hankel case was a year ago. He’s known for all this time?”

“Most of it,” Hotch affirmed. 

“Why didn’t he tell us?” Garcia asked. Her expression was hurt. 

Hotch shook his head. “From what I can tell, he was concerned about how we would react. He felt that what happened was his fault.”

“But of course it wasn’t,” JJ protested. 

Aaron nodded. “I know that. And I also wish that he’d told us the truth sooner, so we could have helped him through this.”

“I can’t believe he kept this from us,” Morgan muttered, his concern fading and morphing into hurt. 

“Morgan,” Hotch said sternly. “He kept this from us because he was worried about how we’d react. So we’re going to be supportive, because that’s what he deserves from us.”

Derek looked to his boss. “I thought he was using again. Why didn’t you tell me this before I broke down his friend’s door last night?”

“What?” the other agents all asked in unison. 

“You broke down a door?” Garcia asked. “Why?”

“Let’s stay on topic,” Morgan suggested. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you the truth,” Hotch said. “It just wasn’t my story to tell.” 

“Well, now I feel like an asshole.” Derek got up from his chair. “I should go call Reid and apologize.” He hurried off. 

Garcia turned to Hotch. “What’s this about Morgan breaking down a door?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team reaches out to Reid

Reid stared at his phone. He’d known that Hotch had kept his promise of telling the others when his phone had begun lighting up a half hour ago. Spencer had let the messages come in without picking any of them up. Now the deluge of calls and texts had finally stopped. He could only hope his teammates had gone back to work. 

The first voicemail was, unsurprisingly, from Morgan. After a moment of hesitation, Reid started to listen. 

“Hey, Reid. Hotch told us what’s been going on with you, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m really sorry for the way I’ve acted towards you over the past few days. I was a jerk because I didn’t understand what was going on, and I made a lot of assumptions that weren’t fair to you. You didn’t deserve any of that, and I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Whatever it takes.” There was a moment’s pause before he continued. “Anyways, I hope you know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need. We’re all here for you. Give one of us a call to let us know that you’re alright. I love you, pretty boy.”

Garcia’s message was next. Her familiar, rambling voice filled his room as it played. 

“Hi Reid. We heard what happened. And I really hope you feel better soon. I mean, I know you’re not, like sick - sick, because HIV isn’t like that, but...you know what I mean. Anyways, I really think you should come back as soon as possible, because we’re your family and we love you and we want to support you, and we can’t do that if you won’t come to work. And also because we need your beautiful brain around here. I’m bringing your favorite snickerdoodles tomorrow, and you know Morgan will eat them all if you don’t stop him. So...I think you should come back to work tomorrow.”

Reid pictured Morgan sneaking into Garcia’s office, and the tech analyst fighting him off. He could hardly blame Derek; Penelope did make excellent cookies. The thought made him smile as he played Emily’s voicemail. 

“Hey Spencer. Hotch told us what happened to you...on the Hankel case and everything. I think you should know that this doesn’t change anything about how we feel about you. You’re still our friend and teammate, no matter what happened in Georgia. So...if that’s what you’re worried about, you shouldn’t be. We’ve all got your back, and we miss you. If there’s anything we can do to help support you, just let us know. We want to help; just let us know what we can do.”

Rossi’s voicemail was the shortest. Still, Reid found his matter-of-fact tone comforting as he listened to the message. 

“Hey Reid. Hotch explained what’s been going on. I know I wasn’t around when all of this started, but I hope you know I’m here for you now. You’ve got a whole team of people who care about you, and they all want to do whatever they can to help. We just want to hear that you’re taking care of yourself, alright? I’ll talk to you when you’re ready.”

Last was JJ’s message. 

“Hi Spence. Hotch told everyone what happened and why you’ve been gone, and I just wanted to say...I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell us sooner. I can’t imagine what this has been like for you. And I don’t think you should have dealt with this alone. But I’m not mad,” she added quickly. JJ let out a barely audible sigh. “I just wish I could have helped you with all of this sooner. And I feel kind of bad that none of us realized that something was happening with you.” There was another pause. “But anyways, I just wanted to call to let you know that we love you and we miss you. So just let us know how you’re doing, okay? We love you, Spence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was...way more challenging than I thought it would be. It wasn't easy to capture the voices and personalities of everyone, and I'm still not satisfied with how some of them turned out, but I hope I did okay. Let me know what thoughts you have on this chapter/the story so far! I promise the next update will have some action again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid returns to work the next day

Reid arrived at work early the next morning. If anyone asked, he’d tell him he wanted to catch up on the work he’d missed the previous day. But in reality, he just needed time to settle in before the rest of his team arrived. He brewed and drank his first cup of coffee for the day, which unsurprisingly did nothing to calm his nerves. Neither did the second.

When he arrived at his desk, Reid’s eyes were immediately drawn to the stack of folders on his desk. When he’d left the day before, the pile had been easily three times as tall. A small smile slipped onto his lips as he realized his friends must have helped him out. He’d have to thank them when they arrived.

It wasn’t long before Hotch showed up. He gave a small nod when he saw Spencer at his desk. “Good to have you back, Reid,” he commented, eyes softening just slightly from his usual professional expression. “Let me know if you need anything, alright?” Spencer nodded in return, grateful for his supervisor’s care.

Rossi arrived just a few minutes after Hotch. “Hi Reid,” he said as he entered the bullpen. He stopped by Spencer’s desk and lowered his head slightly so he could make direct eye contact with the younger agent. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged. “I’m doing better,” Reid admitted. “Thanks for calling yesterday. It meant a lot to me.”

Dave gently squeezed Reid’s shoulder. “Well, I meant everything I said. I’m here for you and so is everyone else on the team. No one thinks any differently of you because of what happened. And I’m sure they’ll all be very happy to see you back.”

Spencer smiled. “Thanks, Rossi. I really appreciate it.” Rossi patted his shoulder once more before heading to his office.

For the next half-hour, the bullpen was quiet. Only a couple of agents entered as Reid worked through his remaining paperwork. He was just about to leave his desk to file a document when he heard a loud shriek. He looked up to see Garcia running towards him as fast as her bright pink heels would allow.

“Reid!” She tackled him into a hug. “Oh, you’re back! How are you? Are you okay?”

“Garcia, I was only gone for a day,” he said as she pulled away. He gave her a sheepish smile. “And I’m fine, really. I promise.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, peering concernedly through her cat-eye glasses. “You sure you’re okay? Because if there’s anything-”

“I swear I’m okay, Garcia,” Reid reassured her. “Taking the day off was really good for me yesterday, but I’m ready to be back.”

“Good,” Penelope said firmly. She holds up a large plastic tub. “These are for you.”

Reid took the box and pulled off the lid, revealing a batch of cookies. Delicious scents of cinnamon and vanilla waft out of the container. “You made me cookies?”

Garcia nodded proudly. “Snickerdoodles. Just like I promised.”

Spencer smiled and pulled her into another one-armed hug. “Thanks, Garcia.”

Just then, Emily and JJ entered the bullpen. Both women’s faces broke into wide smiles when they saw Reid. They hurried across the bullpen to greet him.

“Spence!” JJ wrapped her arms around Reid. She pulled away, letting Emily hug him as she looked him over with concern. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“I am,” Spencer replied. “I’m okay, JJ.”

She gave him a soft smile. “You had us worried.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

JJ shook her head. “It’s not your fault. I’m just glad you’re back and you’re okay”

Reid gave her a tentative smile. “I know. I should have told you what happened sooner. I just...didn’t really know how.”

Emily squeezed his arm. “It’s okay, Spencer,” she said. “We just want to know how to help you now.”

“Just being here is enough,” Reid assured them. “But thanks for helping out with my reports while I was gone.”

Prentiss shrugged. “We had a pretty slow day yesterday. It was no trouble.”

“Well, I really appreciate it.” He lifted the tub of snickerdoodles and held them out to his friends. “Do you want a cookie? Garcia made them.”

JJ and Emily both reached into the box. Reid was about to take one for himself when he spotted Morgan standing a few yards away. “I’ll be right back,” he said, handing the container over to JJ. He could feel his friends’ eyes on him as he turned away.

As he got closer, he could see the concerned expression on his friend’s face. “Hey,” Morgan said gently. “How are you?”

Reid shrugged, folding his arms over his chest. “Fine, I guess.”

Derek put a hand on Reid’s shoulder. “Kid, I’m really sorry for how I behaved.” Spencer didn’t say anything. “I know I messed up.”

“Yeah,” Reid remarked. “You really did.”

“Is there anything I can do to get you to forgive me?”

Spencer took a deep breath and averted his gaze. “I don’t know. I’m still pretty mad at you,” he admitted. “And I’m positive none of my friends are ever going to invite you over for dinner.”

He nodded. “I get it, pretty boy.” Morgan looked away sadly.

“But I get why you did it. You were worried about me and you were trying to help. You didn’t do it well, but I realize that you had good intentions.” Reid sighed. “I’m still a bit hurt and I need time, but I think I forgive you.”

Derek gave him a soft smile. “Really?”

Spencer nodded. “Yeah.”

Just then, JJ approached the pair. She looked between Reid and Morgan apprehensively. “Everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Reid replied. Morgan nodded.

“Okay, good,” she said. “Come to the round table room. We have a case.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team gets a new case

A month went by after Reid disclosed his HIV-positive status, and not much changed. Morgan still complained every time his “groove thang” was interrupted by a case. Hotch continued to stay late at work almost every night, much to Haley’s chagrin, while Garcia accumulated several more bright and fluffy things for her desk. Other than the team occasionally helping Spencer keep track of when to take his meds, life went on at the BAU exactly as it had before.

“Our latest case is in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania,” JJ announced to the group as they gathered in the round table room. “Three murders, each about two weeks apart. Victims are twenty-eight-year-old Elijah Vaughn, nineteen-year-old Milo Vargas, and forty-five-year-old Amelia Patterson. The cause of death in each case was manual strangulation.”

“Manual strangulation requires a fair amount of strength,” Morgan commented. “Most unsubs use a rope or a belt.”

“It takes longer to use your hands, too,” Emily chimed in. “You’d have to be both strong and patient to kill someone in that way.”

“Strangulation is usually associated with domestic violence,” Reid mused. “Most cases aren’t fatal, but victims of a strangulation attempt are eight times more likely to become homicide victims.”

“So maybe our unsub has a history of domestic abuse,” Emily surmised. “Garcia should check police records.”

Rossi shuffled through the photos of the three victims. The first was a lanky African-American man, the second a heavyset Hispanic boy, and the third a muscular white woman. “The victims were of all different races and genders, and there’s a fairly broad age range,” he noted. “Our unsub doesn’t seem to have a clear type.”

“It looks like they all lived in different parts of the city, too,” Prentiss added. “Patterson was married with children and had a full-time job, while Vaughn was single and ran a graphic design business out of his home. And Vargas was a university student who lived with multiple roommates. Were local police able to find any connection between the three of them?”

JJ bit her lip. “Just one,” she said, averting her troubled gaze. “All three victims were HIV-positive.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team flies to Pennsylvania for the case. Hotch offers Reid an out.

Reid could feel everyone’s eyes on him, looking for a reaction. He didn’t give them one, continuing to look through the files as if JJ hadn’t said anything at all.

After a tense moment of silence, Hotch cleared his throat. “Well, we can finish this briefing on the jet. Wheels up in thirty minutes.” Everyone started to get up from their seats. “Reid, can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

Spencer’s cheeks burned with embarrassment as the rest of the team quickly filed out of the room. He hated being singled out. Hated being the youngest, the weakest, the most awkward, and now, the sick one. But there was nothing he could do about any of it, so he sat quietly with eyes downcast as he waited for the round table room to clear.

“Reid,” Aaron began in a slightly unsure tone. “This case may be difficult. No one would blame you if you decided to sit this one out.”

For some reason, Hotch’s awkward kindness only irritated Reid. “Why would I sit this one out?” he asked, unable to keep a note of sarcasm out of his voice.

“I just thought it might be...personal for you,” he replied. “You have plenty of vacation time accumulated; the team would be just fine if you chose to take a few days off. Or you could work with Garcia here, in Quantico.”

“You’re saying the team doesn’t need me,” Spencer said flatly. He realized he was being unfair to his unit chief; that the conversation was just as uncomfortable for him, but he couldn’t contain his frustrations.

Hotch sighed. “That’s not what I mean,” he replied. “You’re an important part of this team. But if you need to step away from this case at any time, everyone will understand. Having limitations doesn’t make you weak.”

The younger agent met his boss’s eyes with an even gaze. “Thank you, but I’m fine to work this case.”

“Reid-” Aaron began.

“I actually feel that my perspective may be valuable in solving this case,” Spencer interrupted. “It’s not uncommon for people to be referred to support groups after being diagnosed with HIV, and most of them have some level of secrecy due to the stigma still surrounding the disease. If our unsub has been attending these groups to find victims, my personal experiences and connections may help us to locate the unsub or other potential victims without compromising the privacy of any group members.”

Hotch looked away. “Alright,” he conceded. “I appreciate your insights. But if at any point this case becomes difficult, please let me know.”

Reid nodded reluctantly. “I will,” he replied. “Thank you.”

-

“Are we sure that HIV is the only connection between all three victims? Is there any chance that it could be a coincidence?” Emily asked.

The others on the jet all turned their attention to Reid. “There are approximately one-point-one million people in the United States living with HIV/AIDS, including around thirty-six thousand in the state of Pennsylvania,” he reported, glad to have the attention on him be positive for a chance. “That translates into about point-three percent of the population being HIV-positive.”

“So it’s safe to say that the victims were targeted because they were HIV positive,” Emily concluded. “Could they be hate crimes, maybe?”

“That’s a possibility, but we shouldn’t jump to conclusions,” Hotch cautioned. “The unsub may also be killing surrogates or even acting as an angel of mercy.”

“What we do know, given how the victims were killed, is that the unsub is most likely male,” Reid offered.

“And he’s physically fit,” Rossi chimed in. “The victims only had a few defensive wounds, so he was able to take them down fairly quickly. He may have training in hand-to-hand combat.”

Morgan sighed. “I suppose we should consider that he might be military or law enforcement?”

“That would track with the potential history of domestic abuse,” Reid offered.

“We’ll keep that in mind. But for now, we should keep that part of the profile to ourselves,” Hotch said. The team all nodded their agreement. “We’ll be landing soon. Everyone should try to get some rest before we hit the ground.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid makes a proposal for catching the unsub

It didn’t take long for the team to connect the victims. As Reid had suspected, all three of them had attended multiple support groups for people living with HIV. According to their friends and family, each had started less than a month prior to their murders. However, due to the anonymity policies of the groups, there was no way to get a list of the members who had attended. Which meant there was no way to find the unsub. 

The team had only had limited success in building the profile as well. They knew that the unsub was a relatively fit white man with experience in hand-to-hand training. He might have grown up in an abusive household or had a close friend or family member who was the victim of domestic abuse. And he was almost certainly HIV-positive. A bad experience with a support group was likely the reason he now used them as his hunting grounds. 

Now, three days after the team had been called in, there was a new body. His name was Xavier Thomas, and he was a thirty-one-year-old art teacher at the local high school. He’d been living with HIV since birth and had started attending local HIV-positive groups after moving to the area a month ago. 

“He’s escalating,” Emily noted as the group gathered together in the small conference room. “He may already be looking for his next victim.”

“We’ve already warned the leaders of all local HIV-positive support groups,” Hotch said. “They’ve been told to keep their eyes out for any suspicious behavior and to warn their group members.”

JJ shook her head. “It’s not enough. I think we should release the profile.”

Hotch frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Warning people to be on the lookout for an HIV-positive man could do more harm than good. And there’s not enough to narrow down the profile otherwise.”

“One person interprets the profile the wrong way and the whole thing becomes a witch hunt,” Rossi said. “There’s still a stigma. It’s too risky.”

Morgan glanced at Reid, who had started rocking back and forth in his seat. “Reid?” he asked. “You okay?”

Spencer’s head jerked up. He looked around and flushed slightly when he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Sorry,” he apologized. 

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Morgan reassured him. “Do you want to take a break? I could use some more coffee.”

Reid shook his head. “I’m good. I was just thinking.”

“About what?” Prentiss asked gently. 

“The unsub...he’s probably already looking for his next victim, right? And he’s only been targeting people who are new to HIV-positive support groups?”

Morgan nodded. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “At least until he runs out of newcomers, anyways.”

“So, uh, what if we use that to lure him out?” Reid asked. 

Dave frowned. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

Spencer’s gaze flickered around nervously. “You could send someone undercover,” he suggested, voice barely louder than a whisper. “I mean - me. You could send me undercover.”

Everyone stared at Reid for a moment, stunned. Finally, Hotch raised an eyebrow. “That’s not a bad idea, actually.”

Morgan shook his head. “What?”

“It could work. We’d have to keep a close eye on Reid, obviously, but he could give us the break we need,” Aaron reasoned. 

“Is it safe, though?” JJ asked. 

“We’ll have microphones set up throughout his house and on his person wherever he goes,” Rossi suggested. “And there will be agents stationed outside his house. At the first sign of trouble, we can pull him out. It’s a pretty good plan.”

“Okay, but why Reid?” Derek asked. “We know how quickly the unsub subdued his previous victims. Send me instead.”

Reid shook his head. “No offense, Morgan, but there’s no way you’d be able to fool the unsub.”

“Why?”

“First of all, you look like a cop. With the increased police presence, he’ll be more cautious than usual,” Reid pointed out. “Second of all, you don’t know enough to be convincing. What are you going to do if someone asks you what medications you’re on? Or what your most recent viral load was? How are you going to tell them you felt when you first got diagnosed, or the first time someone found out when you didn’t want them to? There are things you just don’t understand, Morgan. People will know.”

Morgan looks at him with soft eyes. “Reid-”

Spencer raised his hand. “This isn’t about us. I forgave you and I don’t want your pity now. But you have to accept that I’m our best shot at catching this unsub.”

“Reid’s right,” Hotch chimed in. “Sending in an agent undercover is the best course of action at this point. I’ll start working with local officials to create a false identity and documentation for Reid.”

“You think this is a good idea, Hotch?” Morgan asked. 

“Like Rossi said, we’ll have eyes and ears on him at all times. Agents will be stationed around him 24/7, and Reid will have a panic button in case anything goes south. If everything is properly organized, the risk to him should be very low.”

Morgan frowned. “I still don’t know about this.”

“Well, it’ll take a little bit of time for us to get Reid’s new identity ready,” Hotch said. “If you can figure out a better alternative in that time, we’ll re-evaluate. Otherwise, Morgan, you have the most experience with undercover work. You can help Reid prepare.”

Derek slapped Spencer on the shoulder, forcing a playful smile. “Well, alright, pretty boy,” he said. “Let’s get you ready for your close-up.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid gets ready to go undercover

Reid stared at the documents that would be, for the next few days at least, the sum total of his identity. They had tried to keep the adjustments to his story as simple as possible, but that didn’t stop him from worrying that he would make a mistake. Spencer was well aware

Although he had his new persona memorized, he found himself reviewing the information in his head once again. He was now twenty-three-year-old Spencer Dane Walter, having been born on October 28, 1984. He’d grown up in Las Vegas, although in a different part of town than Reid had, and had just graduated from Virginia Tech’s combined bachelor’s and master’s degree program in mathematics.

“So, why did you move to Pennsylvania?” Morgan quizzed Reid. He adjusted his posture slightly as if to pretend that he was actually meeting him for the first time.

“My great-aunt used to live here,” he replied smoothly. “She died a few years ago and there’s been no one living in her house since then. I needed somewhere to stay while I applied for Ph.D. programs, and I didn’t want to move back home, so I told my parents I would take care of the place.”

Derek didn’t break character. “Do you have a job?”

“I work as a high school math and science tutor through an online service.” Reid made a point to pause and give a little smile as if he were really talking to a stranger. “It’s only part-time work, but it pays for utilities and I don’t have to leave the house.”

“And how long have you been HIV-positive?” Derek questioned.

“Almost a year now.” To keep things simple, the team had decided that Walter had also been infected by a tainted syringe. His addiction had been heroin and was the result of a doctor writing him a too-strong prescription after receiving knee surgery.

“Not bad, kid,” Morgan said, breaking character to give him a smile. “Just make sure not to rush. It’ll make you sound rehearsed. And don’t give too many details.”

Spencer nodded. “I know, I know,” he replied, fidgeting with a corner of one of the papers. “People tend to add details when they’re lying.”

Hotch poked his head into the conference room. “Reid, are you ready to go?”

Reid swallowed hard and then nodded. “Just give me a minute.”

Morgan gave him a look. “Nervous?” he asked.

“A little bit,” Spencer admitted.

“I know going undercover is always a bit scary. But we’ll have your back the whole time. You have your panic buttons?”

Reid nodded and held up his wrist, on which he now wore a simple digital watch. If the button was pressed, alerts would immediately be sent to the agents tasked with his security. He then pulled his keys out of his pocket and showed his coworker the new keychain that also contained a discreet silent alarm.

“You’ll be fine. If anything happens or even if you just think something might happen, you can press it and we’ll get you out,” Derek reassured him. “There are also microphones set up at your house. If for whatever reason you can’t get to a panic button, we’ll still know if something goes wrong. Just make sure you’re wearing your wire whenever you leave the house.” He smiled playfully. “No taking it off like it’s Kevlar.”

“Except for when I’m in meetings,” Reid blurted out.

Morgan cocked his head. “What?”

“I won’t be wearing a wire when I’m in meetings,” Reid repeated.

The agent frowned. “Reid, the meetings are going to be how we find the unsub. We need to be able to compare the people there to the profile.”

“But what about everyone else in those meetings? All the people who _aren’t_ the unsub?” Reid asked. “They didn’t consent to have a bunch of other people listening in on their conversations?”

“That’s true,” Morgan conceded. “But we’re doing this for their benefit. Any of them could be the unsub’s next victim.”

Spencer shook his head. “Still, it’s bad enough that I’ll be going undercover and expecting these people to divulge their secrets to me. I won’t let you spread them to the rest of the world.”

“Reid, whatever information is collected in those meetings will never leave this precinct,” he replied.

“Yeah, but how many officers are on this case? How many of them know someone in one of those groups? People talk, Morgan, even when they shouldn’t. It would be too easy for people to get hurt. I won’t do it,” Reid said. “I’ll profile the people I meet and I’ll report anything of relevance immediately, but I’m not going to wear a wire.”

Morgan pressed his lips together. Rationally, he knew that Reid had a valid point and he trusted his judgment. But he also knew that it would be harder to catch the unsub without being able to listen in on Reid’s support group meetings. And the last thing he wanted was to put Reid in any kind of danger. “Did you talk to Hotch about this?”

Reid nodded. “He agreed with me. Even if the unsub confessed to a group, which obviously would never happen, he said it was possible none of it would be admissible in court anyway.”

“Alright,” Derek conceded. “I don’t like this, but I trust you. We can do it your way.”

Spencer gave him a tentative smile. “Thanks, Morgan.” He let the older man pull him into a tight, albeit brief, hug. Then he picked up the panic keychain from the table and pocketed it. “We should go now. I don’t want to keep Hotch waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't intend for this story to include a debate on the balance of freedom and safety, but it just kind of happened and I didn't feel right getting rid of that discussion. I don't really have a conclusion for this debate (in this story or real life) other than that it's a complicated issue. I'm sorry if that's unsatisfying. It's not something I feel satisfied with either. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The undercover operation begins

Reid said his goodbyes to the team outside the police station. A car had been rented for him for the purposes of the operation, and Hotch had decided that it would be best if he drove it to the house alone. While Spencer understood the practicality of not letting the neighbors see him riding around in an FBI vehicle, he couldn’t help but wish that his friends would see him off to “his” house. But after Reid was done getting one last briefing from Hotch and a few hugs from the rest of the team, he got into his rental car and drove off alone.

It took Spencer about twenty minutes to get from the station to his house. As he drove, he found himself taking in the city in a way he rarely was able to do during cases. Because of the nature of his assignment, Reid knew he’d have a lot of free time on his hands. If it hadn’t been for the serial killer on the loose, this would be the most vacation time he’d taken in years.

He parked his car in the driveway and climbed out, surveying the neighborhood around him. It was the middle of the day, so it looked like most of his neighbors weren’t home. Reid took note of the cars he did see as he made his way to the front door.

The place was sparsely furnished, as expected, but it was still much nicer than Spencer’s actual apartment. He smiled, letting himself pretend for just a moment that the house was really his to move into. If that were the case, his friends would surely be there with him. Looking around, he could imagine JJ and Morgan helping him to change the locks while Rossi and Prentiss argued over how to arrange his bookshelves. Hotch would help with the furniture and make sure his fridge was stocked, while Garcia would be in the kitchen, filling the whole house with the smell of some delicious baked goods.

But instead of a lively housewarming party, Reid found only silence inside. Instead of his books and the assorted knickknacks he’d collected over the years, half-hidden cameras and microphones were distributed throughout the house. The doctor knew they were only there for his protection, but it was hard to feel comfortable with them around at all. After all, the last time he’d encountered cameras hidden in people’s homes had ended with him receiving a concussion and three cracked ribs. And that was just on the official report.

Spencer felt a little better after he’d located all of the recording devices in the house, but he still felt like he needed a break. He retreated to the one place without cameras, his bathroom, and turned on the tap. When the tub was full and the water just the right temperature, he climbed in and let himself relax for the first time since the case had started.

He must’ve dozed off because the next thing Reid noticed was his phone ringing. The young man scrambled out of the bathtub as fast as he could without slipping and wiped his hand on a towel. He grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, kid.” It was Morgan. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Reid replied automatically. Drops of water pooled on the floor around his feet. “I’m fine. Why?”

Derek hesitated. “It’s just that we haven’t seen you for a while. We were just worried…”

“I was taking a bath,” Spencer snapped. He knew what assumptions the team had jumped to, and he wasn’t happy about them. “You know that I live alone, right? I don’t need someone checking up on me every second.”

“I’m sorry,” Derek said. “But you know that surveillance is part of the deal.”

“You’re supposed to be watching for the unsub, not using the equipment as your own personal nanny cam,” Reid replied irritably. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his body as best he could with only one hand. “Now, was there something you wanted to tell me about the case? Because if not, I’d like to get back to my bath.”

Morgan hesitated before letting out a sigh. “No, there’s nothing new,” he admitted. “I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“Okay. Goodbye,” Reid said shortly. He hung up the phone.

After he’d drained his bath, which had grown cold, Reid finished drying himself and got dressed. He made his way to the kitchen, where a list of local HIV-positive support groups had been stuck to the fridge. Next to it was a similar list for AA and NA meetings. As much as he wanted to be irritated by this detail, he couldn’t. He knew his friends were trying to help, and he appreciated it.

Out of habit, he opened the fridge. Empty. Of course. Reid shook his head as he looked through the pantry and cupboards. There was some basic cookware on the shelves and a few staples in the pantry, but not a lot. Certainly not enough to make a meal. Spencer sighed as he looked at his watch and then at the support group schedule. If he left right then, he could just make it to the grocery store and back home before it was time to go to his first meeting.

-

Unfortunately, Reid’s calculations hadn’t taken into account the size of the line for the grocery store checkout counter. By the time he got home, it was already almost five. He pulled into the church parking lot at ten after and cursed Hotch and Morgan for making him wear a wire for the three minutes it took him to get himself discreetly untangled from the listening device. Only after he had shoved the recording equipment into his glove compartment did he leave the car, heart pounding as he navigated his way through the building. Spencer managed to find his way to the door, then took a deep breath. He pushed it open.

Six pairs of eyes immediately locked on him as the door squeaked open. _So much for subtlety_, he thought to himself. He tried a sheepish smile. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s no problem,” said a man with wire-framed glasses. “Are you here for the group?” Reid nodded quickly. “Go ahead and take a seat. My name is Michael.”

“I’m Spencer,” Reid replied as he pulled a chair into the circle. He was grateful that he’d been able to keep his first name, at least. “It’s my first time here.”

“Well, welcome to the group,” Michael said. “We’ll all go around and introduce ourselves, and then we can pick up where we left off last week.”

Reid took a mental note of each person as they introduced themselves, memorizing their names and appearances. None of them stood out to him, but Reid knew better than to write anyone off as a potential unsub. The team had profiled that the unsub might harbor some hostility towards others who were HIV-positive, so Spencer paid careful attention to how the members interacted with each other. But nothing stood out.

On the way back to his new place, Spencer called Hotch. He picked up almost immediately. “Hi, Hotch,” he said. “I just got out of my first meeting.”

“Did you notice anything?” his supervisor asked.

“Nobody stood out to me,” Reid replied. “There were five other people there, two women and three men. None of them matched the profile at all.”

“Okay,” Hotch said. “Well, it’s possible our unsub wasn’t there. But keep your eyes open, alright? Just in case.”

“Of course,” Spencer said as he stopped at a red light. “I’ll keep you posted.”

“Good,” Aaron replied. “Is everything alright other than that?”

Reid was almost positive he’s referring to the earlier conversation with Morgan. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied. The light turned green and Spencer stepped on the gas pedal. “I’m just going to get something to eat and then go to bed.”

“Okay,” the older agent said. “Have a good night. And don’t hesitate to call one of us. For anything.”

“Yeah, I will,” Reid responded. “Night.”


End file.
